High and Mighty Baku

The tension is palpable. The world prepares to focus on just one country.

Expect moments of intense apprehension, followed by eruptions of sheer joy.

The event will provide the host nation with an exceptional opportunity to show off their  proud achievements in industry, broadmindedness and, above all,  their people of all creeds, colours and classes.

The 2012 Eurovision Song contest is a beat away.

This year Azerbaijan plays host in their specially spruced up metropolis of Baku. This spin of fortune for the  recently independent country is a landmark occasion – on several levels.

First, the weightiest level:

Reportedly, Azerbaijan is ruled by a fabulously oil and natural gas rich dynasty that would put the likes of The Carringtons or Borgias to shame.

The International press often alleges the country, which joined the Council of Europe in 2001, of rampant corruption and election rigging.

All major posts seem to be bestowed on close family members and friends. Even the official interlude during this year’s event will conveniently offer a global stage to one of the family’s wanna-be pop idols.

The beautiful city of Baku’s traffic is lined with smart car marques and imposing posters of a benevolent leader. (Well, at least the posters were up a month prior to the world’s media coming to town).

New neighbourhoods are sprawling.  A forty-story high flagpole carries the country’s colours.   A specially built high- tech hall has been erected near to the grounds of evicted locals living in TV audience inappropriate  Soviet-style apartments.

Villagers beyond the city boundaries languish in poverty. Fear of being arrested for free speech, respects no city limits.

Eurovision’s organisers told the BBC that they were not entirely happy with the situation that may appear as a propaganda coup.

Which brings me to the next, far less sinister, but peculiarly connected oncern – San Marino’s song entry.

Originally, the song featured the brand word, Facebook, in its title.  However, contest regulations stipulated that such overt promotion couldn’t be tolerated.  So the song was retitled, “The Social Network Song (Oh, Oh, Uh, Oh, Oh)”.

In the face and booked.

That left the song’s performers with a problem – much of the lyrics rhymed with the brand name, “Facebook”.

Valentina Monetta: The Social Network Song (Oh,Oh, Uh – Oh Oh)

oo ooooooo ooo

I like

Are you ready for a little chat

And a song about the Internet

It’s a story ‘bout a social door

You’ve never seen before

If you wanna be seen by everyone

Wanna be in the dream and have some fun

If you wanna be on the hook

Then simply take a look

Refrain:

Oh Oh Uh Oh Oh

Everybody loves you so

Oh Oh Uh Oh Oh

Everybody that you know

Do you wanna be more than just a friend

Do you wanna play cyber sex again

If you wanna come to my house

Then click me with your mouse

Hello uh oh oh

Never gonna let you go

Your logging in then it begins

And your computer is waking you

Taking your time away

The scene is right for social light

You’re on the Internet anywhere

Anytime night and day

Oh Oh Uh Oh Oh

I like

Everybody loves you so

Oh Oh Uh-Oh Oh

Mi piace

Never gonna let you go

So you wanna make love with me

Am I really your cup of tea

Are you really the one that’s you

And am I really me

Oh Oh Uh Oh Oh

I like

Everybody loves you so

Social Network Oh

Mi piace

Never gonna let you go

You’re login’ in with just a friend

But soon the Internet’s

Beeping and peeping around the bend

We used to greet friends on the street

But now it’s googling giggling gaggling

When we meet

Beep Beep Uh Oh Oh

How about a little chat

Group: Oo oo network fans

Meet ya@ the internet

Do you really like politics

Wanna talk about dirty tricks

Are you really a sex machine

Or just a beauty queen

Everybody is better than before

Everybody is calling out for more

Everybody in cyber Ville

Is knocking on your door

Beep Beep Uh Oh Oh

I like

Everybody does a show

Oo Oo Uh-Oh Oh

Mi piace

If you like it click and go

Now you know it is easy loggin’ in

For a little more fun and cyber sin

Wanna know what the net’s about

The hard part’s loggin’ out

Oo Oo Uh-Oh Oh

Now I’ve got a million friends

This is how the story ends

Oh Oh –

Beep beep

In terms of pop profundity – well I am too old to offer credible criticism.

However, given the host nation’s blatant use of the event as an advertisement that technically, seems to contravene  broad international, including European Union, trade descriptions acts, some may consider it’s all a bit two-faced.

On the upside – whilst wealth can buy beautiful stadiums, overseas bank accounts, lavish corners of the world’s most sought after locations,  demolished neighbourhoods, silenced speech, suitably smiling locals and glamorous presenters, the Azerbaijani “Kedashians” overlooked one vital public relations error – the title of their Jungian revealing song entry: “When The Music Dies”

Jonathan Gabay

The new Novel

The Brand Messiah

www.thebrandmessiah.com

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Mr Z and his $bn Hoodie

Thanks to technology, one in eight people you directly or indirectly know are more familiar of your everyday habits than eight years ago.

Since Friday, approximately nine hundred million people can look anticipate sharing more than just thoughts with friends and friends of friends.

Up for grab: a global share of slices derived from Facebook’s total revenues of $3.8 billion (2011) – an operating profit of $1.5 billion.

(Nearly as much money US businesses lose every year from employees looking at Facebook).
Unsurprisingly, the talk throughout Facebook’s sophisticated online network was fringed with more than just a hint of excitement.

Misspelt, albeit heartfelt, rumours of forthcoming riches beyond even what Simon Cowell could bestow on one woman and her dog, were widespread.

Hope sprung everywhere.

The news held promise that within days, people with tagged friends of friends in places like Greece, could be sent more than Instagrams – instant PayPal cash – to rescue them from the clutches of austerity.

Mark Z rings NAZDAQ’s bell

Come the hour, trading began the on the all-computer driven NASDAQ stock exchange. Facebook was set to trade 460 million shares.

A hoodie-wearing Mr Zuckerberg gave a merry wave to his new circle (excluding Google Circle of course) of pals.

Facebook’s stock opened around $43, then slid to under $39, after pricing on Thursday at $38 a share.

Friday’s orders flooded in. Within thirty seconds, some 82 million shares had traded. NASDAQ’s overwhelmed computers were unable to cope.

NASDAQ – Silicon Valley’s brand name stock exchange delayed the official stock opening by some thirty minutes. (Not a great start for a business where time is literally money).
From its offer price of $38, Facebook eventually closed at $38.23.

(In terms of profundity, the ménage à trois between passionate man, potent money and silently vibrating processing machine, was turning out to feel more like a fleeting acquaintance, than early signs of a meaningful relationship).

This was not the first time in recent past that NASDAQ made headlines – for the wrong reasons. According to US Press, In March, there was a major flaw in the intended IPO of BATS Global Markets Inc. (A Kansas-based company that competes with NASDAQ Stock Market and the New York Stock Exchange).

BATS tried to list its stock on its own trading systems, but bottlenecks prevented the stock from ever opening for trading. The company cancelled its IPO.

How they shape up

My people are  better than yours

According to counsellors in these things, blame lay firmly with the machine.

At one of NASDAQ’s competitors- the New York Stock Exchange – computers run the numbers, but humans provide the backup.  If computers plod or crack , real people keep the trading going.

In an interview with Bloomberg, Keith Bliss from Cuttone & Co., explained human trading system on the NYSE.

“There is no redundancy inside their (the NASDAQ) market so they’re solely dependent on the computers being able to handle…what’s happening not only inside of the market, but also inside an IPO. Down here on the New York Stock Exchange, we have redundant systems and the redundant systems are the human-based traders who can have an open outcry auction market. If the systems go down, we can get the stock open and get orders into the market, they can execute them and can give you a report immediately.”

Keep your friends close

Next time you are on Facebook, wincing at someone picking his or her nose, or pulling a face, smile an endearing grin. After all, when the microchips are down, 900 million people recognise a genuine friend with promise when they see one.

Jonathan Gabay
Read the new novel:
The Brand Messiah
www.theBrandmessiah.com

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I just opened the front door and this man said “would you be interested in buying my sticker that reads ‘no junk please’?

He explained that he had began his sticker business because of the recession. He would be grateful for any loose change I cared to give towards the sticker.

So I gave him some change and started talking to him to find about how he ended up selling the stickers?

He told me he was fifty years old. In addition to being a bus driver and having spent time in the army, he had worked for seventeen years in the casino business.

There he started as a Car Jockey. The clients liked him. So did the management. He eventually was made Head Receptionist. His charm encouraged clients to to give hime a fiver here or there just to call a cab or ensure that, if for example, they were in party, he led them to their seats and so on.

The Casino were happy – because the customers felt at home.

However, after seventeen years new management took out all the old staff and bought in their own people.

The casino business is a shady vindictive affair. The new management saw to it that the old staff would find it difficult to get work with any competitors.

He felt betrayed but still had seventeen years of memories and moments.

He told me of how he had seen people lose millions in the casino.

One man used to spend around £40k a night – and lose it. Then one day, the man’s luck changed and he won £100k. He gave everyone a £50 tip and (the man who was telling me the story) drove the winner home in a complimentary Rolls – for which he received a further £50 tip.

The next night the winner was back and lost all the money, never to get that winning streak again. But he somehow seemed to get a kick out of turning to the other gamblers and saying, “well, that’s life.”

The conversation turned to how business was faring selling the stickers?

He said that the elderly are always happy to offer 10p or so for the sticker. If they looked poor, he would give them the sticker for free and wish them well.

Many people commend him on his initiative – but when it came handing over any change, they close the door. Or may get into a conversation, but at the point of payment, suddenly claim they didn’t speak English.

Each sticker costs him 10p and he makes up to  £1 on a sticker.

Some people – generally in working class areas – occasionally spot him weeks later and give him £2 for the sticker as they felt embarrassed that initially they only offered any small change in the house.

I asked him where was the worse area to work in? He told me had worked all over london, walking the streets selling stickers, from Shepherds Bush to Harrow…
But the worse places were like Pinner or Moor Park – where the driveways had three Mercs or BMWs and the homes were clearly worth millions.

Whenever he would ask the rich for any spare change for his sticker enterprise, 9 out of 10 times they closed the door in his face.

I asked him why he thought that was? “Well you can’t be as rich as them if you spend the money.” He answered.

I then thought about his job in the very glamourous casino where people were eager to sit next to others and night after night, smile as they lost on a spin of a wheel – – to laugh out ‘well that’s life’ to their fellow gamblers . However when it came to any loose change for a sticker didn’t waste a penny of their wealth.

And people ask why the young who are surrounded by messages telling them that they can have it all – because everyone is entitled to it. – feel disconnected and live for the moment rioting and looting for FlatScreens.

Or why Apple has become even wealthier than Exxon, selling devices  which give the full picture of life on a nine inch screen, and whose consumers  look forward to the next model featuring even higher definition pictures of people who proudly display their Wasteman shots on Facebook.

I don’t believe the rioters have specific political agenda – why should they?  Who cares “Here comes the new boss – same as the old boss.”

Reality for them is survival of the fittest, the right to respect and recognition that has to be fought for.  Society demands celebrity.  Setting fire to a building gives you a lot of that around the world and throughout the local postcodes.

Maybe the young just want the quickest access to the sublime – rather than pondering the socio-political aspects of life.

Their parents have given up to live a life of watching Jeremy Kyle chastise people who ‘surely can’t be that stupid.’ Or watch couples compete on Bargain Hunt for the highest bid under £100 on someone’s life relics.

Even the middle-classes who scrupulously followed the rules –trained themselves to compartmentalise their 9-5,  from brief, but timeless  presents (a look, a smile,  a hug)  for future memories and justifications of all their sacrifices.   Even these devoted to a bigger picture who put their children through approved Uni, and put up with the corporate mundane, or company politics; for the sake of a promised distant company pension  that would pay for a coffee by the pool, are struck by a bolt of thunderous realisation.

Their compliance was after all ultimately rewarded with little more than a pile in the attic of generations of ‘must have’ brands that  sit under tatty blankets in boxes next to old school and Uni text books. Each tome delivering best practice procedures for an honourable career diligently manicured  over the decades – to be cited as a prize-winning demonstrattion of getting it right.

Perhaps for the rioters it’s all about the thrill of their moment – because they are constantly reminded that too many moments  are so empty.

Respect has to be won through risk and scars.

In the heat of the moment, they  are not just oblivious to the consequences of their actions – but numb.

As are the people in Pinner and Moor Park swotting  at the news on their iPads, Outlooking  their smirks  and wincing over a Nespresso at the vulgarity of the uneducated rioters who chose to steal consumer goods like sneakers rather than loot bookstores selling Michael McIntyre’s ‘Life and Laughing.”

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Throughout the decades, advertisers have used metaphors and symbols to personify concepts, labelled as ‘bad’ or even ‘evil’ – that can  be conquered by the consumer armed with ‘brand-x’. (Perhaps a washing powder, or breakfast cerial … software and so on).

When the advertising agency gets the opportunity to actually have a real evil charachter to help them push their message of good vs. bad, it offers dual -edged benefits.

Firstly it get’s PR attention – simply by being controversial. This is especially true for viral campaigns.

Secondly lampooning the charachter gives the consumer a sense of their moral social strengths.

Here are some genune examples of how Bin Laden was featued in advertising during his ten year reign of sitting on a crate in a corner of a shabby room – unoticed by the Pakistani secret intelligence headed up by Mr Magoo. (scroll to bottom).

One born every minute?

Let's all get along

Waste not - want no

Capture the memories

Head hunting - at the sharp end

Postmen always need to be wary of dangerous pets

It takes an Indian owned brand to conquer the Pakistan terrain

So cool he can't be detected

Samsung mobile phones - fill your head with love and peac

Jonathan Gabay

www.jonathangabay.com

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