NASA image of a spinning star as the 'Hand of God' snapped stretching through the universe

Yesterday the world was a very different place than this morning.  Sure it wasn’t perfect, but there was a great hope for mankind.

Today the world awoke to two pieces of shattering news that have, in their own ways, fractured human belief in two.

First, according to the eminent scientist, Professor Stephen Hawkins, it turns out that the Universe was not created by an omnipotent g-d after all.

In his new book, The Grand Design, Hawking suggests that the meaning of it all is down to complicated but basic physics.

Ours is just one of many ‘multiverses’ that began “without any need for a benevolent Creator” who we otherwise believed made the Universe for our benefit.

Unlike his notorious predecessor, Richard Dawkins, Hawking’s book is said to be more robust – and his credibility as an authority far more widely celebrated.

For many, this makes The Grand Design a very serious assertion against traditional religious doctrines.

When I grow up, I want to drive a car round and round and round and round

Next, and what may at first glance seem to be much more trivial, the British High Courts ruled that an ex SAS soldier called, Ben Collins had the right to publish his memoirs.

(Through doing so unmasking the identity of BBC TV’s Top Gear, ‘Stig’).

The BBC argued that by unveiling the man behind the masked helmet- Collins- their TV series would lose a sense of mystery and intrigue enjoyed by the old and young alike.

The sense of the unknown makes the Stig concept a highly valuable brand in its own right.

From a marketing business point of view, scores of variations of toys, books and games are now in jeopardy.

Childhood dreams of a mysterious Stig have finally succumbed to the fate of many others who went before the man in white, including, Santa Clause, Peter Pan, the Tooth Fairy and so on.

With everything from Creators, to Stigs, to love and hate, war and peace and genital dimensions of the rich and famous neatly packaged, explained and exposed on daytime TV, many may be left wondering what the purpose and mystery of it all really is?

21st Century mankind's highest faith: a glass of branded beer

Back in the Millennium the Second Coming was predicted.

However, in keeping with dwindling numbers of regular churchgoers who would rather drink a pint of Guinness than a sip of communal wine, nobody of any special significance turned up.

Even advertised prophesies of computer bugs turned out to be little more than incentives to buy new IT equipment.

Doubtless, religious communities will put the news that no entity pulled the trigger for the Big Bang down to a yet another test of human faith.

Boy racers will look at their options for joining the British SAS.

The BBC may take the opportunity to introduce a new Stig or even get their marketing people to launch a contest for ordinary people to fulfil their dreams and hopes by driving a sponsored car around a track.

Either way, the brand: belief, purpose, goal, vision, cause … will survive.

Hapless marketing students will doubtlessly refer to the story of’ G-d and men in white driving suits’ as an interesting brand case study taught by a jaded underpaid college teacher who read about it in a best practice book whilst on the toilet.

Equally someone somewhere will use the opportunity for personal gain.

(Congratulations by the way to Professor Hawking’s  PR team for pushing his latest book).

Maybe there really isn’t a bigger purpose to life but a series of small rewards to keep the few in the position to be able to buy more brand names and the masses hanging on … wanting anything better than what they already have.

(They call that, ‘marketing’).

Or just maybe, one day – once we have each drawn our last breaths and open our eyes to the complete picture, as Hawking calls it, ‘The Grand Design’ – we will finally realise that the greatest vision, values and mission makes trivialities such as business, marketing and so on, as much use as a lavish Ark built to save the world but with a hole left in the hull by a dreamer with paper-qualifications and his mind on bigger things than building boring boats.

Jonathan Gabay

www.brandforensics.co.uk

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I recently returned from Spain.

I stayed in a place of absolutely no major consequence called, La Heradurra – ‘The Horseshoe’.

Roads with vast numbers of roundabouts, linked the small U -shaped town leading all the way down and beyond the ‘Tropical Coast’.

Many roundabouts were remarkably ornate.  Magnificent water features or smartly painted fishing boats balanced high and dry in circles of well-watered shrubbery, were not uncommon.

The roundabouts led off to small villages of villas on dusty roads or apartment blocks in lacklustre towns, mostly occupied by working and middle class, waiting for something to happen other than going to their air-conditioned offices, screaming at the kids, or waiting to pay their monthly bills.

Each roundabout design tried to trump the previous in being flamboyant.  All were built acccording to local rules and regulations.  Strictly followed by builders who lived and laboured to take pride in their projects.

Yet, beyond the flowers and water pumps, every roundabout was, at the end of the day, simply a concrete circle designed to allow traffic to flow in and out of the anoymous towns.

For the most part, many such towns had little to offer apart from mini-markets selling useful useless tat as seen on QVC and made in Taiwan.

The scenario reminded me of 5770.  A calendar of roads leading to nowhere punctuated by occasional roundabouts built on sincere hope and ambition but which ultimately served as little more than spectacular monuments to unfulfiled expectations.

I guess it’s the same for so many around the world affected by the global downturn.  The recession has twisted aspirations and beliefs into U-turns.

Even kids leaving school – who should be wide-eyed and ready to change the world – have become wrapped in messages of little hope for jobs or even future homes.

They feel doomed to live in an overpopulated competitive world with little to explore than via smartphones and iPads.

It’s got so bad that in the UK, some 400,000 new STD cases were reported in 2010 – mostly in the young age group.  (A sure sign of people giving up on tomorrow and living for tonight).

Media messages are desperate and confused.

Take one recent story concerning a middle-aged woman at the end of her tether, with an ill mother and father.   In frustration she threw a cat in the dustbin.

The story received more sympathy from the public- for the cat – than even the plea to help Pakistan’s catastrophe.

(Pakistan said it needed £30bn – mind you it also still manages to find over £7bn a year for military budgets).

In Spain I noticed many middle-aged men, who like me had grown vast acres of bellies and lost fields of hair – probably obessing over their ‘roundabouts’ at work – the next vital project, the big deal, the unpayed account, the office smart-ass, the boss…

These forlorn obelisks spent way too long on the beach with heads stooped over iPhones or Blackberries, waiting for the latest updates from back home.

Did Mr Smith call? Did Jane send off the contract… had the supplies for extra shrubs for the roundabout arrived?  Was there another lost spirit nearby on FourSquare or what about GrindR?  Would that last roundabout for once actually lead somewhere?

According to UK’s Ofcom, mobile users sent over 100 billion texts alone last year, the equivalent of 1,700 for every person, up from 1,200 in 2008.

The BBC reported that soon most will spend half their waking lives on the mobile web.

Whilst the men gazed down their virtual escape tunnels, they missed the sunlight with their families who were left to stare at hairy napes of necks.

The bells of hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling for you and maybe me

Over the years, I have often toyed with question of when I will die.

Whilst on the beach, I downloaded an App called, ‘Deathclock’.

Based on data such as health, weight, age and so on, it calculates the probable date of one’s death.

In my case, the software couldn’t choose between 17^th June 2017 or 26^th January 2022.  So I settled that it must be sometime around 2018 -2020.

(Springtime would be nice).

Whilst pondering, I checked the Twittersphere and discovered tweet, after tweet, from various well-meaning Rabbis from ‘Aish’ and ‘Chabad’-like organisations sent to any lost soul they could catch.

The tweets warned of last chances to repent for sins before the Jewish new year,  5771 – Rosh Hashanah – in early September.

Each year, like the Twitterers, our wonderful Rabbi (one of the most brilliant men I know) gently cautions the congregation to reflect on what they did last year, and try to change at least one thing – even the smallest thing – for the better in the year to come.

A shofar blast for regular Joes to do the right thing – and repent.

Sitting there on the beach, contemplating my sins, I angrily concluded that I haven’t sinned enough. I was way below quota.   In fact, I had lost my best sinning years far too long ago.

Not that I have been so pious. My record may have already lost my front row spot at the cabaret review of my life.

In retrospect, I find myself gazing over my shoulders at the polka dots of roundabouts behind, and then turning to see still endless roads ahead, which all look way too familiar.

When I was young I had a friend who yearned to work in computers.  He studied hard and worked shifts.  Twenty-five years later, that man can’t escape his data screens. His shackles frustrate him, yet he is scared of losing what has become his life and how he defines himself.

What we sometimes want in youth imprisons us in maturity. Noble intents intern some to live clockwork lives without the strength, opportunity, motivation or courage to change a strap – let alone the mechanism – of the time of their lives.

The older we grow, the firmer we bite our quivering lips.  We learn to live on the path and never dare to set foot on the grass, which Pink Floyd described as being reserved for ‘the looneys’.

So, from school days to work nights, we are trained to become manically and certifiably sane.

Using rollers from B&Q, we cover with extra coats of matt white paint, stray thoughts of ‘insanity’ that go against the prescribed social grain.

As long as everything appears neat, we can cope.

This OCD condition becomes so intense that we even devise rules upon regulations at work and education – so called ‘best practices’.  Such ‘best practices’ eventually usurp individual ability to think and manage for ourselves.

The net result is a society that either capitulates or becomes a cuckold to best practrice authors (who, upon closer examination turn out to be subservinant to others with greater greasy poles).

Before long and without even noticing it, fears of rocking boats and so losing the chance to repay monthly dues, leave many shipwrecked on roundabouts.

.. And so we travel the road back to sin…

… As I see it, if you really have to repent for sins – you might as well have something worth repenting for.

Something juicer than:

Leaving the odd pound off your vat return:

Nicking a pen in definance from the stationary cupboard.

Nipping in a quick naughty cheescake from the coffee shop.

Correcting your eye-line when a teenage beauty, still without hurt, comes into sight.

Everyone has the right to release their inner hero who has always lived at the back of their mind:  the lover, the action figure, the rebel, the saint, the hippie, the mentor…

The older we grow, the harder it becomes to reach that figure, let alone drag them out of the darkness.

We become bankrupt of passion, and ambition.

The constant warning of a high tide of penalties, force us to accept everything.

Johnny Cash once sang that “G-d’s gonna strike down the gamblers and back biters”. He may have been right, but we refuse to heed.

In the old testament, ‘Ki – Savoh’, it says: “Don’t grow stagnant and ‘kick’ at Hashem (G-d).”

Days before Hurricane Katrina struck, many locals believed warnings of a super-storm were just more media hype.  Even the first drops of rain were ignored.

Sometimes rain is just rain – other times – darker clouds lay ahead.

To be sheltered and insured, we convince ourselves to live lives of austerity – on the path, not the grass.

Like hapless graduates bound to memorise statutory answers to pass ‘best practice’ exams all so they can eventually sit in an office and Facebook other lost souls, we forget to consider ‘what’ and ‘who’ we have become.

So my greatest wish is that by this time next year, you have a great portfolio of lusciously lavish sins relished by those who you love.

The kind of sins you took for granted before your mortgages, sacrifices, redundancies, shafting by associates, compromises, drunken hazes of anguish, silent nights of emptiness, grittings of teeth – rather than courage to open mouths…

So much of life is about regrets over what could have been, when once they had chances to become – and now are just empty spaces or dead ends.

There are only a limited numbers of Neilahs left in life.  Only finite countdowns of the final ten ‘Hear O Israels’.

In 5771, give people the chance to sit up and listen. Become someone of consequence and substance rather than rely on horseshoes.

If life turns out to be just a road to some place of no particular significance, at least by living you would have built more than circles going nowhere.

Go sin.

Put 100% faith in G-d.

Trust no man – ever.

But treat them as you would treat yourself.

Oh, and whilst you are at it, maybe throw the odd cat or two into a dustbin.  You deserve it.

Have an indecently richly rewarding 5771.

Jonathan Gabay  www.brandforenensics.co.uk

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Jonathan Gabay discusses Apple computer brand on Washington Post site

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/07/21/VI2010072102082.html

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Only Apple could start their press conference to discuss the alleged signal fallout from their iphone with a song published on You Tube by a fan.

Hats off to being so brave, confident and assured in who they are and what their brand means.

The rest of the conference saw Steve Jobs drawing on facts, rather than hearsay. The result? He silenced the doubting thomases of the press but more importantly fused social media techniques with hard core PR business savvy.

You can see the facts and the rest of the conference at:

http://www.apple.com/antenna/

Brandforensics comment:  At last a brand which combines brand essence of originality with straightforward communication.  Brilliant.

This is exactly the sort of the out of the box – beyond boring best practice – thinking  that marketing students deserve to be taught and marketing professionals need to take on board.

Time to throw out the old  best practice and bite into a new apple.

Jonathan Gabay

www.brandforensics.co.uk

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The 13 most devastating oil spills of all time.

13. The Torrey Canyon Oil Spill

When: March 18, 1967

Where: Scilly Isles, UK

Amount spilled: 25-36 million gallons

The Torrey Canyon was one of the first big supertankers, and it was also the source of one of the first major oil spills. Although the ship was originally built to carry 60,000 tons, it was enlarged to a 120,000-ton capacity, and that’s the amount the ship was carrying when it hit a reef off the coast of Cornwall.

The spill created an oil slick measuring 270 square miles, contaminating 180 miles of coastland. More than 15,000 sea birds and enormous numbers of aquatic animals were killed before the spill was finally contained.

Toxic solvent-based cleaning agents were used by Royal Navy vessels to try to disperse the oil, but that didn’t work very well and instead caused a great deal of environmental damage. It was then decided to set fire to the ocean and burn away the oil by dropping bombs.

12. The Sea Star Oil Spill

When: Dec. 19, 1972

Where: Gulf of Oman

Amount spilled: 35.3 million gallons

The South Korean supertanker, Sea Star, collided with a Brazilian tanker, the Horta Barbosa, off the coast of Oman on the morning of Dec. 19, 1972. The vessels caught fire after the collision and the crew abandoned ship. Although the Horta Barbosa was extinguished in a day, the Sea Star sank into the Gulf on Dec. 24 following several explosions.

11. Odyssey Oil Spill

When: Nov. 10, 1988

Where: Off the coast of Nova Scotia, Canada

Amount spilled: 40.7 million gallons

This large oil spill occurred about 700 nautical miles off the coast of Newfoundland and spilled more than 40 million gallons of oil into the ocean.

10. M/T Haven Tanker Oil Spill

When: April 11, 1991

Where: Genoa, Italy

Amount spilled: 45 million gallons

This oil tanker exploded and sank off the coast of Italy, killing six people and leaking its remaining oil into the Mediterranean for 12 years. The source of the explosion was thought to be the ship’s poor state of repair — supposedly the Haven was scrapped after being hit by a missile during the Iran-Iraq War, but was put back into operation.

9. ABT Summer Oil Spill

When: May 28, 1991

Where: About 700 nautical miles off the coast of Angola

Amount spilled: 51-81 million gallons

This ship exploded off the coast of Angola, discharging massive amounts of oil into the ocean. Five of the 32 crew members on board died as a result of the incident. A large slick covering an area of 80 square miles spread around the tanker and burned for three days before the ship sank on June 1, 1991. Subsequent efforts to locate the wreckage were unsuccessful.

8. Amoco Cadiz Oil Spill

When: March 16, 1978

Where: Portsall, France

Amount spilled: 69 million gallons

The massive Amoco Cadiz was caught in a winter storm that damaged the ship’s rudder. The ship put out a distress call, but while several ships responded, none were able to prevent the ship from running aground. On March 17, the gigantic supertanker broke in half, sending its 69 million gallons of oil into the English Channel. The French later sunk the ship.

7. Castillo de Bellver Oil Spill

When: Aug. 6, 1983

Where: Saldanha Bay, South Africa

Amount spilled: 79 million gallons

The Castillo de Bellver caught fire about 70 miles north west of Cape Town, and drifted in the open sea until it broke in two 25 miles off the coast. The ship’s stern sank along with the 31 million gallons of oil it was carrying. The bow section was towed and deliberately sunk later.

6. Nowruz Oil Field Spill

When: Feb. 10, 1983

Where: Persian Gulf, Iran

Amount spilled: 80 million gallons

The oil spill was the result of a tanker collision with an oil platform. The weakened platform was closed, and it collapsed upon impact, spewing oil into the Persian Gulf. The ongoing war between Iran and Iraq prevented the leak from being capped quickly.

5. Kolva River Oil Spill

When: Aug. 6, 1983

Where: Kolva River, Russia

Amount spilled: 84 million gallons

A poorly maintained pipeline caused this massive oil spill. The pipeline had been leaking for eight months, but a dike contained the oil until sudden cold weather caused the dike to collapse. Millions of gallons of accumulated oil were released that spread across 170 acres of streams, fragile bogs and marshland.

4. Atlantic Empress Oil Spill

When: July 19, 1979

Where: Off the coast of Trinidad and Tobago

Amount spilled: 90 million gallons

This Greek oil tanker was caught in a tropical storm off the coast of Trinidad and Tobago when it collided with the Aegean Captain. The damaged ship started losing oil and continued to leak it into the ocean while it was towed. The oil tank finally sunk into deep water on Aug. 3, 1979, where the remaining cargo solidified.

3. Ixtoc 1 Oil Spill

When: June 3, 1979

Where: Bay of Campeche off Ciudad del Carmen, Mexico

Amount spilled: 140 million gallons

Like the Gulf oil spill, this spill didn’t involve a tanker, but rather an offshore oil well. Pemex, a state-owned Mexican petroleum company was drilling an oil well when a blowout occurred, the oil ignited and the drilling rig to collapse. Oil began gushing out of the well into the Gulf of Mexico at a rate of 10,000 to 30,000 barrels a day for almost an entire year before workers were finally able to cap the well.

2. BP Gulf oil spill

When: April 22, 2010

Where: Gulf of Mexico

Amount spilled: An estimated 184 million gallons

The spill began when an oil well a mile below the surface of the Gulf blew out, causing an explosion on BP’s Deepwater Horizon rig that killed 11 people. BP made several unsuccessful attempts to plug the well, but oil flowed — possibly at a rate as high as 2.5 million gallons a day — until the well was capped on July 15, 2010. Oil gushed from the broken well for more than 85 days, oiled 572 miles of Gulf shoreline, and killed hundreds of birds and marine life. The long-term effects of the oil and the 1.82 million gallons of dispersant used on this fragile ecosystem remain unknown, but experts say they could devastate the Gulf coast for years to come.

1. Arabian Gulf/Kuwait

When: Jan. 19, 1991

Where: Persian Gulf, Kuwait

Amount spilled: 380-520 million gallons

The worst oil spill in history wasn’t an accident — it was deliberate. During the Gulf War, Iraqi forces attempted to prevent American soldiers from landing by opening valves at an offshore oil terminal and dumping oil from tankers. The oil resulted in a 4-inch thick oil slick that spread across 4,000 square miles in the Persian Gulf.

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On a positive note, the brand finally plugged its oil well in the Gulf of Mexico which, for three months had relentlessly spewed millions of barrels of global bad PR.

President Barack Obama sounded a note of guarded optimism:

“We’re moving in the right direction, but I don’t want us to get too far ahead of ourselves,” he warned reporters at the White House.

However, just as the company sealed leaks in the Gulf, further PR slicks appeared in the press.

Reportedly,  in order secure drilling rights, BP approached the British government to sign a prisoner-transfer agreement with Libya.

BP strongly denies the claim.

However, many in the press pondered if alleged deals had anything to do with the release of Al-Megrahi, only person convicted in the 1988 bombing of a Pan Am flight over the Scottish town of Lockerbie.

BP faces assertions that, to secure permission to drill for oil off Libya’s Mediterranean coast, it helped with the Libyan intelligence officer’s release. (Al-Megrahi served only eight years of the life sentence handed down to him in 2001).

Most of the 270 victims in the Pan Am bombing were American.

The U.S. Senate’s foreign relations committee will hold hearings on July 29 to explore BP’s involvement in Al-Megrahi’s freedom.

British Prime Minister David Cameron, who opposed Al-Megrahi’s early release, makes his first official visit next week to the White House.

Scottish Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill MacAskill told The Associated Press:

“We had no communication from the oil company and we had no support or assistance from the British government.”

However, Senator Chuck Schumer, a New York Democrat, said:

“The evidence here may be circumstantial but if I were a prosecutor, I’d love to take this case to a jury.”

Jonathan Gabay

www.brandforensics.co.uk

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